Seriously, I think I’m addicted to stressing myself out. I need to go to rehab. Save me, Dr. Drew (Teen Mom, Celebrity Rehab anyone? No?)!
After my post yesterday I was lucky enough to get advice from lots of friends and family. And I appreciate it, I really do because it tells me that they: 1. read my blog (I’m famous! Now I really can go to celebrity rehab. Move over, Lindsay Lohan!), and 2. they really care. I also talked to some of my mommy friends in my mom’s group who are awesome women who give me perspective not only on motherhood but on what God is trying to show me. My mom also called letting me know she Dr. Googled some things and helped me to understand that psh, babies are hard man. And of course, there is my awesome husband who, even though its 5am, takes the time to email me and tell me that I’m doing great and that he has faith in me.
So this is what I’ve concluded after today’s discussions: DON’T FIX WHAT AIN’T BROKE. I keep trying to “fix” Evelyn. I try to make her nap after this many minutes being awake and for this long because that’s what the books/message boards/moms who appear to be totally awesome at babies in general say you’re supposed to do. I’ve tried to break her from the swaddle because all the cool kids are doing it.
But why am I doing all of this? Evelyn isn’t broken. She’s a BABY. And I don’t mean that in a “she whines all day and complains about everything” kind of way (but I mean, she kind of does. Seriously kid, you JUST ate. I am not a milk machine!). I mean, quite literally, she is a baby. A 3.5 month old baby. Why am I trying to force her to be independent of all the things she needs and the things she feels comfortable with it? Why am I trying to portray this “super mom” whose child does all these things the way she is “supposed” to do them? Because I’m nuts, that’s why. Plus, all those “awesome moms” are full of sweet smelling breastfed poop (aka sh*t) anyways.
One of my mom friends explained her experience with her change in parenting philosophy with me today. She said that when you’re pregnant you read all these books about how you’re supposed to parent and as newborns the main focus is sleep. So we come into parenthood with a “sleep philosophy.” Some parents think that bedsharing and co-sleeping is the way to go. Some parents believe the child should sleep independently. Little do we know that when it comes down to it, many of us will choose the “I don’t give a rat’s butt where he/she sleeps as long as he/she sleeps” philosophy.
Now I have to say I was and pretty much still am in the independent sleep group. And for the first three months, Evelyn did that with no problem. But now, for some reason, things have changed. And I think that’s one reason why this is so hard for me- because I feel like we’ve gone backwards and I can’t figure out why. But right now she needs mama. She needs her swaddle. She needs these things to make her feel safe and secure. So who am I to try and take them away just because its inconvenient to me (apparently they forgot to give me the “life is no longer yours” memo when they discharged me from the hospital)?
My husband said it best when he reminded me that “this too shall pass.” She is not going to sleep on me until she’s 18 (let’s hope not…awkward…). She will eventually nap on her own. And for God’s sake, they are NAPS. And here I am acting like she has some illness that must be cured right away. Like I said, nuts.
What I need to do now is pray. Pray that God gives me the guidance I need to figure out my parenting philosophy. Pray that He gives me the strength to do what is best for Evelyn even though all the books/message boards/awesome moms say to do things differently. And pray that this deployment goes by quickly because I need my other half and my partner to help me figure out this crazy child. After all, any time she misbehaves its because she gets it from him…
So now I think I’m content. That’s not to say I won’t get frustrated or discouraged. But that’s what I have Him, James, my friends, and family for-to tell me to suck it up and take care of it because I am a super mom in my own right and I don’t care what all the “awesome moms” have to say about it.