I knew the day would come one day- the day that E chooses J over me. But it still stings, like someone snapped me on the forehead with a rubberband. Sub forehead for heart.
We are away from home doing some house-hunting so things have been crazy. J and I have spent a lot of days away from E but I thought that would make her miss me more. Ok, well, she does miss me but only during those really awesome times like 2 am when she decides to be awake for an hour or more. Or bedtime when J gets to come downstairs and watch tv while I sit with her rocking her to sleep for what feels like 239850234 hours in complete darkness.
At least the shift wasn’t sudden. The first few days she would call for dadda, ask “Whereishe?” (all one word in toddler language), and say “downnnn meeeee” if I was holding her and he came in sight. Then she started wanting him as soon as she woke up. She would give him a kiss or hug when he asked but not me. That brings us to today.
She won’t come to me. Like, at all. She didn’t want me to get her out of the crib this morning- she waited until dadda came in. She didn’t want me to get her out of the carseat. She legit cried and wiggled her way towards J until he picked her up. She wanted to hand dadda the books from the library. When she bit her tongue at lunch (which happened because she was shaking her head back and forth so fast to tell me noooooo she didn’t want another bite of lunch), she swung her arms towards J to pick her up. I mean, she eventually came to me to wipe her snot/meatloaf face on my shoulder which was sweet I guess. And she was generous enough to let me put her down for a nap too. So I guess its not that bad?
No, its not really that bad. Because now I have an excuse that J can’t argue- she wants him, not me. Nothing I can do about that. And I know things will change at some point. I’ll be the favorite again and she won’t leave me side and I’ll look back and reminiscence about these good old days. Until then……