I’m disappointed in my fellow milspouses.

As I lay in bed this morning, trying to motivate myself to get up and do *something* I did what every great American does- check Facebook. I scroll down and I come across a post in some random milspouse Facebook page that I joined to advertise my preschool, and I see this post:

Dependa

 

I wish I could have screenshot the whole post but at 187 comments a mere 5 hours after I originally saw it, it was just too much. I know its small, but this is basically the jist of it:

  • Original poster (OP) posts this pic of a girl dressed very…originally and says, “I found this on a dependa bashing page blah blah blah the rest isnt’ important.”
  • People follow in with their comments saying things such as, “Maybe she’s homeless and that stroller is her belongings because there can’t be a child in that stroller since she’s not paying attention to it,” and “That outfit is *enter awful/mean adjective here*” and basically “How can she even think to go out of the house like that and represent her husband in that way.”

And those were just the first 10 or 15 comments. They continued this way until someone (achem, me) finally came to this girl’s defense. More and more people followed that, and for a few hours some of the women went back and forth calling each other bitches and basically bringing out the claws on one another.

I was appalled by some of things these fellow milspouses were saying about this girl (and to each other). Maybe her outfit isn’t what most people would wear. So what? What does that have to do with you? Absolutely f-ing nothing.

Some of the meanmils (mean milspouses) were trying to tell us nice ones that we shouldn’t say anything because “its not like [we’ve] never judged anyone by what they were wearing.” Ok, fair enough. But most of us are normal people and do it behind closed doors and whisper about it to our girlfriends. We giggle it off and let it freaking be. We don’t take pictures and blast it all over SEVERAL Facebook pages for others to point and laugh. That’s bullying. 20-something women who have gone through some really hard shit are BULLYING each other. It’s flipping ridiculous.

When one of the nicemils (nice milspouses) called the meanmils out to be bullies, they flipped out. They said they were bullies because they weren’t being forceful and intimidating this poor girl. That if she decided to walk out of the house like that, she should be ready for the backlash. That if she was so offended by what people were saying, she should come out and say something or dress differently.

WT actual F. Really? Ever heard of cyber-bullying? Its what caused this LITTLE GIRL to commit suicide, and countless others. And yea, like any sane person is going to walk into a stream of flowing word bullets about themselves, especially on Facebook.

Honestly, I just don’t get it. What do these women gain from acting like pieces of crap to one another? One responder said they were just trying to make themselves feel better by belittling this girl. Maybe that’s true. But yesterday I sat there racking my brain about why someone would sit there and bash another person over and over again. Don’t they realize how they are making that person feel? Have they never heard any stories about people hurting themselves, or others, after being constantly berated? Go ahead and Google cyberbullying and suicide rates. Or Facebook bully deaths.

J brought up a couple good points about this photo. One being that if this was a group of teenagers posting this stuff about a fellow classmate, it would be on Fox News faster than an exclusive interview with George Bush. More importantly, however, people made so many assumptions about this girl without really thinking about the effect of what they were saying. Take out the fact that she’s dressed differently. Maybe she’s texting her husband to let them know where they are located so he can meet them. Maybe her child is asleep in the stroller and she does what every American does when they are bored- grab their phone. Maybe she’s going through postpartum depression and she is doing the best she can, but all these comments about her on Facebook have really set her back. Maybe her husband is deployed and she’s emailing him about something funny her kids did that day.

Be Kind

The point is that you don’t know what another person is dealing with. And Christ, even if you do, why would you attack their clothing choice? She’s not naked, and she doesn’t look “inappropriate.” Basically, all I want to say to all those meanmils is mind your own f-ing business, and do something better with your lives than be a cyber-bully. You aren’t in high school anymore. You are a married woman. You might have kids. You might have a job outside the home. YOU ARE A REPRESENTATION OF YOUR HUSBAND AND HIS MILITARY BRANCH OF SERVICE. Act like a lady, not a douchebag.

 

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22 thoughts on “I’m disappointed in my fellow milspouses.

  1. Dude. Some people blow my mind! So they must all be fashion models, wearing top of the line designer outfits, ohh and they probably never check their phone while out with their kids.

  2. This kind of thing really bothers me, and those “dependa” pages filled with bashing make me sick to my stomach. Seriously, some of those comments make me want to hurl. It’s sad that grown adults feel the need to act this way. 😦

  3. Amen. Reading any comments on anything online these days tends to make me nauseous. It doesn’t matter what the original post is but somehow comments sections on anything make people just become complete jackasses. It must be nice to feel anonymous behind your computer screen and to type things that you would never say to another human being’s face. I have been cyber bullied and it is absolutely humiliating. People need to grow up. Thanks for posting this.

    • Exactly- people are so tough behind a keyboard. I’m sorry about your experience with cyber-bullying. I can’t imagine how hard that must be. Thanks for sharing that, and if you ever want to share your story I’d love to feature it. You can email me!

  4. mean people suck. whatever makes them feel better about themselves is always what I say. sad that there is such mean and nasty in some people and that they even make something as simple as someone else’s attire their business and platform to judge.
    great post! i’m with ya girl!

  5. I agree with you 100% dear. I joined a few wives/spouse pages for the base we are going to and there was one in particular who was so bad at this, I ended up deleting myself off of it and making it so others could not re-add me. I have come to terms with knowing that there are actually quite a few pages that are directed to just bashing other women/posts etc. It is astonishing to me. Being ex-military myself and since I met my hubby in my home town I never had to worry about these pages/sites to get information or get to know people until we got here. Well, it didn’t work out here so I just backed away from finding friends here, but when my hubby went TDY I realized that I can’t really (emotionally anyways) go through that again, and since we were moving again in a few months (at that time) and would be at this base longer then we were here, decided I needed to try to make at least some connections/aquantences at the base that we are headed to. First page was the worst page, nothing but drama, bashing, arguing, etc. I found some different ones and got off that one real quick (its the one I mentioned above). I have come to terms that a lot of these girls cannot be changed and will not. It is sad to think that I never even encountered this type of hatred or bullying in high school. I try to focus on school and moving and those few people that I have met on these pages to stick with so I don’t get emotionally tied into the problems that occur between the girls on these pages. I am hoping that as they get older they learn about and realize that what they are doing, and maybe then care enough to change. I feel like military wive spouse bashing etc is actually a worse problem them school or teenage bashing. This gets no attention, and when their husbands are deployed and they are away from their home town, these girls often have absolutely no one to turn to. It angers me and saddens me at the same time. That how women can be so cruel to one another, over nothing. Nice job though, you described and explained this problem greatly, and it needs to be addressed.

    • Thanks Melissa! All of what you said means alot to me! And I’m wth you- I never encountered this type of bullying in high school, or maybe it just didn’t seem as prevalent because Facebook and social media wasn’t around. But now its like people doing this and making Facebook groups about it makes it “ok” for others to join n. Good for you to stick to what’s important. There are some AMAZING milspouses out there but it is so sad that when you’re new to area that they are hard to find!

  6. This makes me SO MAD. Can’t dress the way you want without people bashing you. I’d hate to see some of the comments people say about me because I don’t always dress in just jeans and a t-shirt. I like to dress “odd”. It’s fun and I feel cute.

    • I agree! This girl dressed differently than others and she kinda rocked it. No, its not my style but good for her to show her kids that they can be who they want to be and not just dress like the rest!

  7. Things like this make me so mad! I was photographing a homecoming a few months ago and there was a girl who was wearing a see-through skirt (she clearly didn’t know that it was sheer when the sun hit it). People were taking pictures on their phones and posting them online, I found out later that I photographer actually took a picture and put it on her BUSINESS PAGE! It’s so sad that people have to hurt others.

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